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So... how's it going?

People have been asking me this question a lot lately. I went back to work on Monday. It's Wednesday.

How is it going? Well, I enjoy the people I work with. I enjoy the work that I do. But it has been very difficult to go from seeing Moe for every one of his waking moments to spending only 2.5 hours with him in the evening, during which time he needs to be fed and bathed. I miss planning and going on our daily adventures. I miss being there when he wakes up in the morning, and from his nap. I miss the way he crawls over to me to recharge.

I got home yesterday, and I swear he was miffed at me. I may be projecting.

I'm not sure what circle of hell this is, but I'll let you know when I figure it out.

So, how's it going? Not fucking well.

But I'm a brave little toaster with tons of toaster-bravery experience, and I'll get through this like anything else.

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
vandyke_brown
Feb. 23rd, 2011 06:55 pm (UTC)
*long distance hugs*

This is a transition, and transition can be tough.

Obviously I’ve never walked in your shoes – getting daycare for P when he was 18 mo, and returning to school and work fulltime was a godsend for me. I’d hired a sitter for him part time when he was 3mon so I could see the world outside my apartment twice a week for night classes, and was back in school fulltime just before he was one.

It made me a better mother, because the time with him was more enjoyable.

(On a sliding scale of “good mother” I had much room for improvement)

Some things to consider:

Can you take advantage of the freedom work allows you? An outside stroll with only your own thoughts? The chance to each lunch uninterrupted? No drool in your face?

Can you push back his bedtime by even 15 minutes, so that you get as much time in the evening with him as possible? Can the bathing process be shortened? Is it part of the bedtime routine, or can it be done in the afternoon, or before dinner?

I think he’s with your mom right now, but if daycare’s in the future, that’s a great thing for a growing boy! Daycare gives him scope – all sorts of new toys, activities, other kids, and can be a great adventure. Clearly, I’m biased, but I think all kids should be in daycare by age 2 at the latest.

(I know, easy for me to say with my daycare subsidy until Patrick was four.)

My son thrived in daycare. (Colonel by and Glebe Parents) It was the only reason he wasn’t a functional mute by age three.
But let things be for a bit. If you’re miserable in a while then maybe look at your options, but for right now he’s safe and in good care, and you’re doing good work.

Also, you’re totally projecting.
proonjoos
Feb. 25th, 2011 03:09 am (UTC)
Sending hugs.
capitalmom
Mar. 7th, 2011 07:12 pm (UTC)
It is a hard adjustment. I remember feeling like a part of my body was missing when I went back to work after my daughter. She was always there and suddenly she wasn't anymore.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )